Reserve your energy for events under your control.
Expect physical, emotional and social reactions.
Balance your life domains of self, relationships and participation.
Outline your needs, assets and goals.
Undertake a program of stress management.
Negotiate with yourself and others to get your needs met.
Don’t overemphasize the negative effects of the change.

Reserve your energy for events under your control. Don’t worry about things you cannot control. Get to know the circumstances influencing your current position. Inventory your personal skills and resources, and develop new skills and relationships in your personal, occupational and social roles. Be realistic about what you can’t control, and reserve your energy and attention for the things you can control.

Expect physical, emotional and social reactions. In times of major change, whether the change is personal, occupational or social, don’t be surprised when you experience a wide variety of reactions. For example, you may experience insomnia, loss of appetite or nausea. Emotional reactions may include anxiety, irritability, difficulty concentrating or frequent mood swings. On the social level, you may experience the loss of friendships or of social supports, or a change in reference groups. Each of these are typical reactions to significant life changes and the stress that accompanies such changes. Expecting and recognizing reactions like these will often reduce their impact, especially if you balance your life domains and practice good stress management techniques.

Balance your life domains of self, relationships and participation. For more than a generation, psychological and medical research has demonstrated the importance of a balanced life in reducing disease and psychological distress. Three life domains should be kept in equilibrium:

  • Self – including the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects
  • Relationships – which include your intimate relationships, your family and friends and your work and community affiliations
  • Participation – including your sense of purpose, your achievements and your contributions to others

When any one of these domains is made less functional than the others, it places additional pressure on the other domains. For example, a change in employment status may negatively affect your physical health or interpersonal relationships. By staying aware of imbalances in any of the three domains, you can direct your efforts to regain your balance in all three life areas.

Outline your needs, assets and goals. The Chinese symbol for crisis combines two characters: one represents danger, the other opportunity. Periods of significant life change create a series of personal, social and vocational imbalances that upset the usual way we do things, and provide the impetus for doing new things. This is an excellent time to take a personal inventory of your attributes and resources. It is a time to rethink your personal and vocational goals. And it is a time to set new goals based on your current personal and environmental conditions. Tip the balance of this crisis in the direction of opportunity.

Undertake a program of stress management. Thirty years of research has demonstrated the importance of stress management on overall health and well being. Periods of significant change are typically accompanied by increased personal stress that should be minimized. Good stress management will follow if you ADHERE to these six steps:

A – maintain a positive ATTITUDE
D – follow a healthy DIET
H – maintain a sense of HUMOR
E – get plenty of EXERCISE
R – practice RELAXATION techniques; and
E – maintain realistic EXPECTATIONS

Negotiate with yourself and others to get your needs met. Times of change, uncertainty and loss are among those times when people should work hard to take good care of themselves. Being good to yourself is critical at these times, often because others may not know how to be good to you. Make arrangements with others who are a part of your “relationships” domain to help you get your personal and interpersonal needs met, especially your needs for affiliation, self-esteem and anxiety control. Call upon your friends and family to provide you with the vocational, personal and relationship resources you need to get by and get ahead. Be a good friend, and when you are able, return the favor to another who is having a hard time.

Don’t overemphasize the negative effects of the change. There is a sign in my brother’s house that reads: “These are the good old days.” In times of adversity, it is easy to blame all bad things, like losing your job, divorcing your spouse, financial ruin, or having unrewarding personal relationships on a major change event. This is rarely the case, and if you focus on this event as the “cause of all my problems,” you will be blocked in your attempts to develop a balanced and adaptive approach to your circumstances. These may not be good days, but the days gone by were probably not really as good as they seem now. The best approach is to recognize the positive and negative effects of the change, and expand your personal, social and vocational skills to make tomorrow better than today.

This content was developed by The Corporate Psychology Center, Inc., and is used with its permission.